By JDR-IN

I lay awake every night, thinking of the letter from Ebony in which she stated, “JDR-IN – Let’s set the record straight; just one more story with me eating, thinking about eating, dreaming about eating, or watching others eat while I drool, and you will be sorry! I like being in your stories, but can’t you give me a dramatic role, or a puppy love scene one of these days? Friends for now – Ebony.” And when I finally manage to fall asleep, I realize it’s just a matter of time before…

A loud knock on my door long before sunrise, and upon opening the door, I can just barely read the prominent logo printed on a white van parked in my driveway, “Ebony’s Speed Reading Inc, Faster Retention – Increased Comprehension.”

Before I can react to the familiar name of Ebony, I’m plucked from my doorway, my head is covered with a doggie bag, and I’m handcuffed and thrown into what I believe is the back of the van; luckily landing on a rather soft mattress.

I heard the engine start, and seemingly days later; the journey ends as we arrived at our destination. When my handcuffs were removed and the doggie bag was jerked away from my head, I could see the wooden sign “Nutt House” right before my very eyes.

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So, for the first time in my life, I’ve arrived at my Nirvana, the sacred grounds of The Service Dog Project. Before I could say anything, Emily opened the door and thrust me inside, and there a table was set with a strange electronic device with Dash at the controls. What was the meaning of this? Two Muppies, Burton and Onyx wired me up to the electronic monstrosity and then seated me facing the wall. Dash then said this chilling remark: “JDR-IN, you are now connected to a lie detector device and I will be asking you some questions. First, what is your lucky number?” I told her, “I like the number 24.” Sweat was pouring down my face, as I realize this was the beginning of a torturous interrogation by the Director of the Secret Service Dog Project. Dash didn’t care about me being uncomfortable, and proceeded to say, “When I ask you later to tell me your lucky number, you will say number 16, do you understand?” I answered, “Sure Dash, I’ll do whatever you say!” Alarmingly, the door let out a creak, and there before my eyes was Bailey, Carlene’s Alpha dog, who immediately sat down, took over the controls of the lie detector machine, and ordered Dash and Ebony to begin my inquisition.

At this time, I must reveal the rest of the story in an entirely different format. The full details can only be told in the form of a two-act play; let us begin:  

Service Dog Project – Two-Act Play 

Scene – Nutt House – Ipswich, MA

On Stage – Bailey at the controls of the lie detector, Dash sitting at the table across from JDR-IN. Emily pacing to-and-fro near the front door.

Stage Hands – Burton and Onyx

Set Specifics – Ambient lighting, apparently on 24 hrs a day, with an uncovered electric meter on the wall humming at warp speed producing a pleasant breezy feeling much like Lulu experiences everyday in sunny California.

Act 1 – Set Action – Explore.org Remote Cameras – Dialogue begins:

Dash – Why do you insist on writing stories about SDP?

JDR-IN – I’m just trying to spread the word about the outstanding services you provide.

Dash – You once said, Bentley and Mary the Donkey were passing out cigars in front of a                       tanning salon?

JDR-IN – Yes, on 31 January 2013, I did. It was just my way to relieve some of the tension during the night of Noel’s delivery. It wasn’t meant to cause any harm.

Dash – Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Dog Party?

JDR-IN – No never!  I am not! 

Dash – What is your lucky number?

Act 1 – Over

Scene Change – Bailey is frantically twisting the multitude of dials on the lie detector machine, while JDR-IN is in deep thought wondering what he should say…his favorite number, as you recall, is 24, but Dash instructed him to say 16! Dash is sitting across from Emily who is now sitting next to JDR-IN at the table.

Act 2 – Dialogue begins – Dash & Ebony begin rapid-firing questioning.

Dash – How does Moses make his tea?

Ebony – Hebrews it. 

Dash – This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club.

Ebony – You told me earlier you never met herbivore.

JDR-IN – Stop it! You’re driving me crazy! My favorite number is…

Dash – I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

Ebony – You can’t put it down.

JDR-IN – Please!  I can’t take it anymore!

Dash – I used to be a banker.

Ebony – But then you lost interest.

Burton & Onyx – Singing –  ♪♪  Secret Service Agent Dog, Secret Service Agent Dog,                      they’ve given you a number and taken away your name  ♪♪

JDR-IN – Let me go!  Stop singing that song! I promise, I’ll never write again!

Dash – I used to think I was indecisive.

Ebony – But now you’re not so sure.

Dash – Velcro

Ebony – What a rip off!

JDR-IN – Dash, my favorite number is 24!

The End

Bailey jumps up out her chair and pats me on the back and says, “John, I believe that’s your real name, I can’t give you all the details about our lie detector test, but you passed with flying colors and on behalf of all the animals on the SDP farm, we want you to know we appreciate what you do for us, and we want you to continue writing for as long as you desire.” Ebony then came over and looked me straight in the eye and whispered “John, I can’t tell you who made me do this; you write such very nice things about SDP, but they needed to know if you were totally trustworthy and you demonstrated that in your truthfulness today. Between you me, everyone on the farm will now most certainly be your friend for life.”

The next thing I knew, I was outside the SDP main gate and Hilary who just happened to be passing by her former stomping grounds, drove by and offered me a ride all the way to the Ipswich Bus terminal. I had to admit the ride was nice; the sound of her car’s new muffler from Earl’s Discount Muffler Shop made the journey very pleasant. I took an express bus home nonstop to Crown Point, Indiana. When I finally opened the door to my house, it was just a matter of minutes before I was sound asleep for the first time in many months; all because of what Bailey and Ebony had told me. I didn’t sleep for long; the phone rang. It was Courtney from Explore.org, and at first attempting to speak in a calm voice she panicked and shouted loudly, “Beauty shop…it’s late…Pam’s cell phone…LA freeway…Lulu and my friend Pam are missing!”  Oh No!

Brief excerpt from my next story titled “Doggywood Report”

DOGGYWOOD California – Lulu here!  Most important of all, I must tell you Pam and I were never missing, Courtney knew that her friend picked me up for my beauty appointment early that evening, but didn’t realize a flat tire on the freeway and a inoperative cell phone would result in such anxiety and confusion. I know now how much she loves me!